oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
