It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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