Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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