Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize