But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
