Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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