after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
