I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
