im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
please come you make the beer taste better
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
