The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
