she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize