I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
