where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
