You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We need a shit load of segways right now
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
