She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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