This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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