Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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