My cat gives me a boner
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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