the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
