i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
