OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
he shaved USA in his pubs
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
