fuck your aforementioned shoe
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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