I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
