i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
