its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
