You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You did what with his pubic hair?
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