I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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