:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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