chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
