we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
