Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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