I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
