am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
