using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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