whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize