So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
