he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
