We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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