i would punch a child for taco bell
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Randomize
