Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
