Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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