Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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