Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
