Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
