Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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