he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Randomize
