Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
