you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
