im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I am midnight drunk by noon
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
