I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
