I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
