I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize