Well apparently he's into motor boating.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
