Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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