I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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