It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
