Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize