Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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