marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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