She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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