I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
