Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
