So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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