She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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