"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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