I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
