i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
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