I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
