You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
